Thursday, March 31, 2011

It's Tourney Time...

Are the rumors true?
Another seasons worth of training, practices, games, and drinking will all be for not, when 12 of Manitoba's finest "Old Timers" teams gather once again in the comfy confines of the Swan River Corral for the 36th Annual Credit Union Hockey Club's annual spring classic.  Reigning champs Valley Outlaws will open the tourney Thursday evening with a tilt against the Bowsmen Burners. The second game in the opening day double header has CU facing off against a familiar foe The Mighty Bucks. Click on the following link to get the full Tourney preview penned by Team  Media Liaison Dickie Dunn. Tourney Preview 2011

Monday, March 28, 2011

SVCU President in Disbelief....

# 1 Fan

# 2 Fan
One of two of the most loyal and die hard Montreal Canadian fans, CU president and blue chip blue liner Blaine "Viva les Habitants" Campbell is still at a loss after his beloved Canadians were shut out for a third consecutive game . "This is not the type of game you want to be playing heading into the the playoffs, the Canadian's seem to be going through a similar stretch to what we are experiencing.''  Habs  head coach Jacques Martin bag skated his club early Sunday morning, and rumors persist that Campbell has been in close contacts with the CU coaching staff the past few days. What has been deemed a " light pre-tourney" skate may hold some surprises come Tuesday evening for SVCU.


Saturday, March 26, 2011

Outlaws Win Season Closer 8-3...

Coming off what could be coined as their "worst game" in recent memory SVCU put together a solid effort against the Valley Outlaws. The Outlaws jumped out to a quick 2 -0 lead, which they never relinquished. A strong game from the CU back end kept  the game close, as Warren "Wheels" Gray scored a pair to end the first down 4-2. Once again the CU had a chance to close the gap to 1 on an early second  period power play opportunity. Giving up yet another short handed goal, proved to be the TSN turning point, as the Outlaws added to their lead ,eventually winning 8-3. After the demoralizing short hander, murmurs of  "Decline the next fuckin PP " could heard on the bench.

The play of the "Big Three" on the blue line bodes well for CU heading into the championship weekend. Strong play from the crease out will be instrumental in a successful championship run, as scoring woes continue for the SVCU front end. Called up from their farm team, Outlaw net minder Jason "Little Augie" Argue, had  CU forwards shaking their heads  all evening. If not for his stellar performance, the score may have been a bit more indicative of the game..
Outlaw right winger Rick " One Timer" Betcher, did everyone a huge favor, when he snapped the stick of Kevin " Special K" Kopecky. The 1990 Easton 5100 "Wayne Gretzky Special Edition"  Silver Aluminium hockey shaft  a gift given to a young Kopecky  from his father, in hopes that it would help alleviate a severe case of "stone hands".   Playing partner and  All star defense man Blaine "Soup" Campbell was visibly relieved when Kopecky's shaft exploded into two. "He has been  using that worn out piece of metal for way to long, for Christ sakes he ranks second only to McDonald for feeblest shot, and he couldn't hit a cow in the ass from the ladies tee!" A dejected Kopecky was seen leaving the dressing room with both pieces of his once coveted shaft, clearly at a loss for words.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Raiders Run Rough Shod over C.U. 9-3...

With an 8-6 loss still fresh in their memory, the Swan River Raiders made no mistake in exacting sweet revenge. Jumping out to an early 4-0 lead, the Raiders relentless attack persisted until the final buzzer.Scoring late in the first period, Brian "The Thrill" Gilroy's goal closed the gap to two. Starting the second period on the power play, SVCU 's dismal offense failed to produce a shot on net, and eventually succumbed a short handed goal. Turn overs in the neutral zone, a lack of offense, no back check, pretty well sums up the game as viewed from the cheap seats.

Visibly dejected CU defense man Craig  "Zdeno" Zamzow had more give aways than  free rounds of golf on the Swan Valley Golf and Country Clubs cash calendar.
Power forward Pat "Crusher" Morden, one of only three CU players who sat in on the first intermission chalk talk. " I was just going in to relieve myself, when I passed McDonald in the concourse hallway. He suggested I keep an eye on our tender, who was well into his third "Official Team Beverage."

SVCU have one game remaining to turn things around before the cup run which begins next Thursday.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

SVCU Slash and Burn Loggers 18-7...

With several Swan Valley Credit Union regulars otherwise occupied, the future of the Oldtimers, as well as some veteran talent, rose to the occasion Friday night in a record-setting performance that will have the club’s brain trust working overtime considering who will be slotted into key positions as the year-end tourney rolls around.
The visiting Oldtimers spotted the Minitonas Loggers the first goal, then rattled off 18 of the next 24 goals for an amazing 18-7 victory Friday night at the Minitonas Comuniplex. The lone fan in the crowd was literally stunned – or bored – with the offensive out put.
Veteran talent Pat Morden, who took the team on his shoulders, fired home four goals on this evening. There wasn’t a place on the ice he couldn’t score from, as he played a split forward-defence game.
Fellow veteran Chris Zamzow put the Oldtimers on even terms 10 minutes into the game, literally opening the floodgates. He scored three goals in what is rumoured to be his final game of the year.
In pondering whether his eight games this year was worth his inclusion in this year’s team, he eyed up the second case of Bud Light and encouraged the winning team to prolong the post-game celebration.
Netting two goals each was willy veteran Randy Mateika, who turned down a chance for a hatty of his own by dishing off to Derek “Stone Hands” Holtom late in the game, who somehow managed to score a pair of his own. Mateika’s selfless act won’t soon be forgotten by Holtom, who is quickly burning as many bridges in the community as possible.
Also denting the twine twice were call ups Ryan Cable and Riley Morden, as well as affiliate Brad Cox. Danglin’ Danton Ashcroft, playing after being awake 26 hours, also scored. The young call ups showed their cardio in the second period with 10 minute shifts. Zamzow skated with them step-for-step, putting on a display of how out how valuable he would be tourney time. “Craig who?” was whispered more than once on the bench.
The only two players who didn’t score was newly-signed netminder “Fudd”, who withstood an early barrage to finish with a respectable .900 save percentage and another “W”, and Mark “Mini” Munro, who had no less than six helpers. His timely beaking of the opponents from the bench also kiboshed more than one promising rush.
In other team news, a wannabe bowling team opted to roll for it Friday rather than lace up the skates. Craig “Twinkletoes” Zamzow, Blaine “Big Ern” Campbell and Wade”7-10 split” Cable combined for a team score of 455, 22 pins above average!
Here’s a video of the final shot by one of the now-professional bowlers on our team.

As well, the " Gray’s"  were taking part in their new jobs Friday night. Here’s a secret video recorded of both Warren and Jeremy on the job. Those are quite the moves fellows!

Kevin “Babysitter” Kopecky was also busy Friday night while his wife was shooting for a curling title.
While this isn’t a video of Kevin, it can be assumed his night was much like this.

The rest of the team was apparently snowed in. Who will start for the team a week Thursday when the tourney gets under way is still in the air, but after Friday’s goal fest, a lot of players are thinking they’ve proved they have what it takes to lead this team to tourney Nirvana.


SVCU Clip Flyer's Wings 13-5...

Riding a six game winning streak, and a  6-1-1 record since signing with the club, procured puck stopper Darren "Double Mine" Fedorchuk was fantastic between the pipes. Holding a much younger , faster, but not better looking Flyer team at bay for the majority of the game, Fedorchuk's glove hand was unbeatable. With all conditions being met on his 2 month contract, it is apparent that the blue paint specialist is keeping  some of his best play for the stretch run.

Darren "Make Mine a Double" Fedorchuk

After a tough outing in the cold confines of the Minitonas arena, Warren "Wheels" Gray and Kevin "Special K" Kopecky lit it up in the old Corral. Gray recorded yet another "Hattie", while Kopecky added two from the back end , finishing the game with an impressive plus 6. Rookie call up Ryan "Abs" Cable, riding shotgun down the right side, recorded his first "Hat Trick" with the parent club. 'I don't think the boy has been spoon fed this much since he was baby!", a somewhat surprised but proud progenitor Wade "Jumper" Cable was overheard murmuring on the bench. Hands soft as melted butter, Jeremy "Jake " Gray continues to regain his scoring touch , bulging the twine twice. Fighting the flu for the past week and a half, Derek "D.H." Holtom , played a strong two way game , finishing with two goals and two assists. Rounding out the scoring with a single was Rob"Lead Foot" McDonald. Struggling to regain his scoring touch,SVCU defensive work horse Craig "Zdeno" Zamzow is willing to try almost anything to turn things around. "You might want to stop thinking before you shoot, that always seems work for me,"  offered concerned playing partner Kevin Kopecky.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

SVCU "School" SVRSS Tigers 14-5...

The scoring continues for the seasoned duo of forward Brian "Magic Man" Minish, and Barry "Shooter" Eggie. Minish recording his second hat trick in as many games, is now considered a real threat for the team's scoring lead. Eggie also continued his scoring streak by adding two of his own. Playing in only his third game of the season, Jeff  "Nifty "  Knight recorded his third "Hattie" of the season. Showing that much needed "Playoff Scoring Form" soft handed right winger Jeremy "Let it fly from the Ladies Tee" Gray wired two biscuits top shelve. Chris "Shake and Bake " Belhuemer, a recent pickup from the Parkland AAA Midget Rangers, single handedly accounted for all the SVRSS scoring. In doing so, Belhuemer beat not one, but the entire defensive back end. SVCU defense man Kevin  "Which way did he Go"  Kopecky had not been beaten this bad since his father "Victor" took him out behind the barn as a youngster. Minitona's prodigal son had to hire the services of arena manager Blaine "Hit-man" Hart to help retrieve his jockstrap  from the fabled Minitonas Arena rafters.

Goaltender Darren "Fudd" Fedorchuk was once again solid between the pipes. Although not tested often, Fedorchuk had his hands full with Belhuemer reeking havoc on the back end, and was called upon more than once to come up big.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

SVCU Tag Mighty Bucks 11-1...

SVCU's two elder statesman lead an impressive offensive display in a 11-1 poaching of the SVFC Mighty Bucks. Brian 'MagicMan" Minish lead all scorers with four, and continues to impress SVCU management. With two years remaining in his "30 year contract",  Minish is making it quite clear that he still can be a major contributor to the SVCU arsenal. Not to be outdone, 20 year veteran and SVCU patriarch left winger Barry "Shooter" Eggie , turned the "Trick", and set the plate for 3 more. "The club's 'Youth " movement may have  to be put on hold !" according to Director of  Hockey Operations and Player Personnel David " The Butcher" Bettesworth. " These vets are showing the kind of leadership, desire, and sacrifice,  needed to bring the cup home!"

As has been leaked via numerous valley media outlets, the rumors are true.  In his own Sidney Crosby-esque fashion, Mike "The Franchise" Smith, announced late last evening that he will not be able to return for the balance of the 2010-11 season.
Despite a unanimous vote to raid the club coffers for a hyperbaric chamber to expedite the MCL recovery time, cooler heads prevailed as the club VP reminded a dejected room that the funds were required so he could fulfill his role as beverage coordinator and Bud Light liaison.  Negotiations with Smitty for the position of tourney Head Coach are ongoing.
On a related note, the club has completed contract negotiations on Smitty's replacement between the pipes for the balance of 2010-11. Darren "Fudd" Fedorchuk " services have been secured for the remainder of the 2011 season. Please see attached link for complete and official press release.
Club president and all-star defense men Blaine "Living the Sheen Dream" Campbell has been a healthy scratch for the past two games. Favoring the "Broom" over the stick, Campbell has been recently spotted frequenting curling establishments throughout the Valley. After a brief stint in " LaCiendas Anger Management Treatment Facility,"  it has been rumored that one of the league's premiere 'Blue liners", has voluntarily enrolled  into the Betty Ford Clinic. Management has been unable to contact either Campbell or his agent at this time. Campbell has been known in the past to "walk the fine line', and let his celebrity status cloud his better judgement.

Fashion shoot with "Bad Boy Buddy" Sean Avery.
"Man, that Soup can get his "Dog " on !!

Monday, March 7, 2011

SVCU Gain a Draw and a Win...

Helping out a depleted Action roster, SVCU  put 3 skaters on loan, in a game that resembled more of  an intra squad match than a regular season tilt. End to end action ended up deadlocked at 9 when the final buzzer  sounded.
 Surviving the trade deadline with the current roster in tack, Director of Player Personnel and former SVCU "Master of the Machete"  Dave "Dr. Death" Bettesworth, commented that it wasn't for lack of trying. "With our tender Mike "Smitty" Smith still day to day on  the Injury Reserve List, all of our energies and focus have been on securing the services of veteran pad stacker "Daring " Darren Fedorchuk for the cup run. We are no different than any other club in the league, we are always looking for that deal that will make us  better, but come on , seriously, who is going to give us anything but table scraps for a player like McDonald or Morden! We have had a lot of interest in veteran blue liner Blaine "Soup" Campbell, but rumors of the all star "D Man" enrolled in some anger management classes made it all but impossible to pull the trigger."

With sluggish attendance both in the bleachers and on the bench, Sunday night's match with cross town rival Swan River Raiders was unofficially dubbed "Bring your Son to the Rink" night. With no less than three father /son combinations on the game sheet, SVCU pulled out a hard fought 8-6 victory. Leading all scores with three, Jyles "Diamond in the Rough" Mateika , son of current soft handed, cherry pickin forward Randy "Lamp lighter" Mateika, was brilliant. The TSN turning point , courtesy of the impressive offspring ,was a one handed dangle with Raider D Man Chris "Wonderful" Woodward draped all over him.

Bud Light Game Star  "Jyles Mateika"
Showing that the Old man can still find the twine, power forward Pat "Crusher" Morden gave  his youngest , Riley "The Grin" Morden  a clinic on shooting. "Everything to the net son, you just never know what will go in!"  Suiting up the third time this season for the parent club, Ryan "Abs" Cable injected an almost lifeless fore-check with some much needed speed and intensity. Rookie forward and father Wade "Booster" Cable looked on with that oh to familiar " The boy has the legs that once skated for the Hudson Bay Hunters back in the early 80's." Rounding out  the scoring for SVCU were Rob 'Blogmeister" McDonald with a pair, and Craig "Zdeno" Zamzow with the single.
Getting more comfortable with each game played, hired hand  Darren "Make mine a Double" Fedorchuk was solid between the pipes. Fedorchuk, whose glove hand was "Sweeter than a Georgia Peach", stymied Raider finesse forward Chris "Hands" Hunt all evening.  This win was especially sweet, as Fedorchuk donned the Raider green a mere two seasons ago.