January 17, 2008
For Immediate Release
Swan River, MB --
As the Credit Union Old Tymer's prepare to host their 33rd Annual spring tourney (April 3-6 2008) several recent roster developments have fired up the local rumour mill.
SVCU wish to announce that they have traded the tourney playing rights of LW Dennis "Surgeon" Bowles of Big Woody and LW Garry "Duke" Kennedy of parts unknown to the Prairie Road Apples for two cases of "stubby" Club leftover from the 1994 SVCU Xmas Party. Apparently "Hack" and "Slash" were aggressively recruited to participate in a 55+ Hockey Tourney in Victoria, BC. Dickie Dunn of the Vancouver Province reports his investigations have gleaned that this tourney is really an off-shoot of the Hockey Gladiators operated by Darryl "Beef" Wolski. Apparently he now feels fans will enjoy the entertainment much more if participants can use their sticks. Odds makers say the smart money is on the "Surgeon" but only because Rob "Blogmeister" McDonald is academically or age ineligible. Kerry "Fuzzy" Lowe will serve as a surviving witness to Rob's stickmanship.
In an unrelated story it appears SVCU has also lost the services of Brian "Scoop" Gilroy for this year's tourney. Despite being the first player to pay his dues this year, (despite challenging the current post game pop legislation) Gil has only made one game all season. Time will tell if he can surpass Pat Morden's team record of paying full dues and only making 2 games in the 2005-06 season. "Gil" advises the annual newspaper convention is in Winnipeg that weekend but further research has uncovered Denis Savard will be at the MTS Centre looking to fill the lead role in "Spin-A-Rama - The Denis Savard Story". The current Black Hawks coach was quoted in the Chicago Tribune of hearing of a Dauphin Kings sniper of the 1980's who replicated Savard's signature move at the old DMCC barn. Only after coming to Manitoba on a bender with Winnipeggers Johnathan Toews and Cam Barker did Savard realize the rumors were true.
As bad news come in threes, SVCU has also lost the services of Rick "Red Light" Reich for the balance of the season. Some teammates have questioned his intestinal fortitude comparing his 2006 fall to that of Greg Louganis in the 1984 Olympics. Reich is quick to point out that he landed on concrete as compared to Louganis hitting the diving board before landing softly in the pool. In his one appearance in the 2007-08 season Reich was handicapped by poor defensive coverage and the standard non-existent SVCU back checking. More importantly the club serves notice that it plans to host a garage sale to sell off Reich's equipment that takes up three stalls in the club's overcrowded locker.
For more information contact:
Exec VP and one and only active goalie
SVCU Old Tymers